Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Critisism on this short excerpt from my story? Please and thank you?

It's good! the only things are that the verb "hiss" implies something more hostile, so that's a little confusing at first, and Kia's exclamation of "Stop this! You're just the shell of a person and it's killing me." is a bit sudden. Let her agitation show a little first and build.

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